Paying the bills during dates is always a controversial subject, with people giving different opinions on how to handle it. Some people believe the person who initiated the date conversation should pay; some think this is man’s responsibility and sometimes people dictate who pays based on how the date is going (courting, dating, one night stand or marriage). This week’s #CoffeeBarTuesday focused on who is supposed to pay for the bills during a date in relevance to the rising cases of kukula fare.

Our conversation focused on the power dynamics of a relationship and why there’s a need to have clear information on the objective of the date. Majority of participants felt that paying bills during a date should be a man’s role and should never be on a lady’s back. It was also felt by the majority that chances of getting a lady who can take you out and pay for the bills are very minimal out there. 

We have heard of different women being invited to dates and they don’t turn up; this has resulted in women being violated sexually. The person who is invited for the date should be not able to cater for the bills and also the objective of the date also plays a critical role on who pays the bill leaving the benefit of the doubt that women can also pay the bills. 

We have also heard of people who have gone on dates and they end up washing utensils. Others have also been taken to dates where they are left to pay for bills unwillingly since the person who was to cater for the bills disappeared. We have also heard dates are kind of a platform to have a “free meal” which at the end creates unwanted profiling and being violated out of this. This is a result of the two not having a clear objective on what’s the end goal of the date. 

We also agreed that there are men who believe that a woman should never pay for any bills; their masculinity doesn’t allow.

“Hio nguvu ya kwenda date na dem alafu alipe bill nyi huota wapi? Mimi hakuna siku ntakubali dem alipe bill yenye niko, as a man I should man up and pay the bill.” Participant said  

One of the key points that arose during the discussion is there are many people who don’t believe that women should pay for the date bills. This is from the relationship they have been to and the close friends they have. Others felt if your circle doesn’t have any lady who has paid for a date before, then it becomes hard for you to believe a woman can cater for date bills.

The bills start from transport to turn up to the date, the meals and drinks and the transport back. The “kukula fare” slang has been used as a way to profile ladies who are sent transport money but don’t turn up during the date. Out of this kukula fare, men are afraid to invite ladies for dates or they fix them to pay for the date after turning up.

It was also noted that at times some people do suggest where to go for dates but they don’t pay for any bill. For them, they only love going to dates but cannot pay. It may be helpful to talk to him/her about how to pay for dates in a way that’s financially beneficial to both of you if you’re in a relationship.

A couple who are in a serious relationship, don’t have any hustle paying or splitting the bills; they have my money, our money slang. These people will always be comfortable without thinking who caters for the bills. We all agreed that it can be a turn off if you’re on a date and you’re the one who made the plans but cannot be able to pay for bills. 

In modern dating, men aren’t expected to pay for every date, women can also pay. If you decide to initiate a date, choose somewhere you are comfortable covering the full bill. At the end of the day, it is up to you two what works well for your relationship. It’s important that you discuss your financial concerns with your partner to prevent any ill feelings about money between you in the future. You can split the bill if both of you insist on paying, especially if you both chose the location. There’s no guidelines on who should pay the bills, if you’re in a position to pay just pay. See you on Tuesday!