Our behavior, reactions, speech, and even our actions are often closely tied to our self-esteem. What affects our self-esteem can vary from person to person, and it can fluctuate over time. This week’s #CoffeeBarTuesday revolved around the topic of cultivating a healthy self-esteem. Extensive research has consistently shown that self-esteem has a direct impact on our overall well-being, particularly when it comes to children in their formative years.

We recognized that self-esteem can generally be categorized as either low or high. In simple terms, self-esteem is the measure of how we perceive and value ourselves. It is rooted in our own beliefs and opinions about ourselves, which can be challenging to alter. The discussion began with a guiding question from the moderator, inquiring whether participants considered themselves to have low or high self-esteem. Out of 21 participants, 12 acknowledged having low self-esteem, while 5 reported having high self-esteem. An additional type of self-esteem was revealed during the conversation, one that relies on the use of drugs, substances, or external pressures and circumstances.

Low self-esteem can often be attributed to various life events or experiences, such as being bullied, facing discrimination, enduring stigma, job loss or employment struggles, difficulties at work or in education, physical and mental health issues, relationship challenges, separation or divorce, financial or housing problems, concerns related to appearance and body image, and the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, often perpetuated through social media.

One participant shared her personal experience of having a strained relationship with her mother, where her mother failed to offer support or encouragement for her endeavors. This constant criticism and lack of support greatly impacted her self-esteem. She emphasized that her self-praise was always tainted by self-doubt and self-hatred, stemming from the lifelong feeling of inadequacy. Her mother’s constant scolding and demotivation played a significant role in shaping her self-esteem.

She used to scold me on anything; she never even encouraged me to do anything or even congratulated me. She always finds a reason to either scold me or demotivate me.

The discussion also touched on identifying signs of high self-esteem, which includes acting assertively without feeling guilty, being comfortable in communication with others, focusing on the present rather than dwelling on the past, seeing oneself as equal to others without an inflated or diminished sense of self-worth, embracing challenges and risks for personal growth, and handling criticism without taking it personally, recognizing that personal growth is separate from the opinions of others. Effective self-communication, without fear of expressing likes, dislikes, and feelings, was also highlighted.

Many participants highlighted how financial instability and the lack of a defined social class can impact self-esteem. One participant explained how not having financial resources can hinder one’s ability to approach people and opportunities. However, it was emphasized that believing in oneself and accepting one’s true self are crucial factors for success, healthy relationships, and overall happiness. Self-esteem plays a pivotal role in leading a fulfilling life by instilling the belief in our abilities and the motivation to pursue them, ultimately fostering a positive outlook on life.