Between two people, who owns the relationship? When getting to a relationship, what do you expect to gain from it? 

During this week’s #CoffeeBarTuesday discussion, it was clear that we all have different views on who owns a relationship. Some of the insights on who owns the relationship were whoever cares less is the owner of the relationship, whoever loves much is the owner of the relationship, a man is the head and should be the owner, a woman is the owner of the relationship since she accepted to be in a relationship, both are owners of it while others felt the levels of the relationship will determine the owner of the relationship.

We are still groomed in a patriarchal system and that’s why you will get someone saying that the man is the owner of the relationship. Both the two parties are bringing something to the table regardless of who approached who. Participant said

 a relationship, some of the interests pointed out during the discussion include comfort, commitment, financial support, peace of mind, ownership, unlimited sex, confidant or someone who can listen and give advice to the other. Some of these interests vary from one person to another and the majority are not even aware of the interests they want. From the discussion, sex stood out as one of the common interest that drives young people to be in relationships. 

With all the interests, there’s always someone who has more say than the others. Some of the interests raised during the discussion were 

• Financial Status: In this era, whoever has more money has more say in that relationship. Money has been a contributor to the survival of many relationships. 
• Appearance: So many relationships are surviving because of how they look. Whoever is more beautiful or handsome has more in the relationship because they know they can move out of the relationship and get someone else easily. 
• Family background: This also plays a key role in some relationships. The family that has more money has more say in a relationship. It doesn’t matter the sex of the person as long as the family has more money. 
• Source of hope: When you are a source of hope, you tend the family to have more say. For partners that help their partners overcome drunkenness or depression, they have more say since they believe without them the other would still be depressed or drunk..
• Sympathy: Sympathy stood out as another way of people staying in a relationship. In example the other partner is incapacitated or their heart is fragile. So out of sympathy, the other partner will have to stay in a relationship out of the fear of what would happen if they leave. 
• Societal Pressure: Some felt that people stay in a relationship because of societal pressure. Society has made us believe marriage is a must or at least have a boyfriend or girlfriend. There was an example from 1 tribe where after a man gets his house, the mother always checks to see if a girl comes out. With no girl visiting the boy’s house, the mother is always worried about her son. 

There were mixed reactions on how important sex is in a relationship. Majority feeling that there’s no relationship without sex and sex is the backbone of any relationship.

When getting into a relationship, you should make sure you have the same interests as your partner and have the same energy. So many relationships hit the rock  because of choosing the wrong person or having someone with different interests as you. The purpose of this discussion was for us to share why we decide to be in a relationship and how we can learn from each other and understand that relationships are for two people only. See you Tuesday!