Coffee Bar Session Report: Governance and the Path to Unity

Mukuru Youth Initiative (MuYI) recently hosted a thought-provoking Coffee Bar session on Tuesday, 14th January 2025, that brought together vibrant voices from the community to address pressing governance issues. The session fostered a deep, reflective conversation that not only highlighted the structural challenges facing our community but also revealed the crucial role individuals play in perpetuating these problems.

A key consensus emerged: we are often our own biggest obstacle to progress. This realization laid the foundation for one of the most candid discussions on governance MuYI has ever facilitated, shining a light on the interplay between unity, civic education, and accountability.

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1. Divided We Fall: The Enemy Within

A dominant theme in the discussion was the internal resistance to change. While some community members actively push for progress, others undermine these efforts due to self-interest, apathy, or external political influence.

Participants shared personal stories of individuals tirelessly advocating for justice, accountability, and transparency, only to face sabotage from their peers. Mistrust, political manipulation, and fear of losing personal benefits were identified as major barriers to meaningful change.

“How can we expect politicians to respect us when we don’t respect ourselves enough to unite?” one participant asked, emphasizing the need for collective responsibility.

This lack of cohesion creates fertile ground for corruption and exploitation, as leaders can easily divide and manipulate communities to protect their interests.

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2. Overcoming Political Handouts: The Need for Civic Education

Another critical issue raised was the pervasive culture of political handouts, which undermines community empowerment. Politicians exploit economic vulnerabilities by offering short-term financial incentives in exchange for loyalty, votes, or silence.

Participants agreed that this cycle fosters dependency and weakens the community’s ability to demand meaningful change. The discussion highlighted the urgent need for widespread civic education to break free from this pattern.

Key Recommendations:

• Civic Awareness Campaigns: Equip residents with knowledge about their rights, leadership roles, and the importance of rejecting short-term gains for long-term accountability.
• Economic Empowerment: Encourage income-generating initiatives to reduce economic vulnerability, making the community less susceptible to political manipulation.

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3. Corruption in Public Services: The Case of Bursaries

Corruption in the allocation of bursaries was highlighted as a glaring example of governance failure. Youth participants expressed frustration over the biased distribution of bursary funds, which often favor well-connected individuals over those in genuine need.

“Every cycle, the same families benefit while those of us struggling to access education are left out,” a young attendee shared.

This favoritism erodes trust in local governance and perpetuates inequality.

Proposed Solutions:

• Transparency Mechanisms: Advocate for a publicly accessible database of bursary beneficiaries to ensure fairness and accountability.
• Independent Oversight Committees: Establish community-led oversight bodies to monitor the bursary application and distribution processes.

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4. The Power of Public Participation

Public participation was unanimously identified as a critical tool for holding leaders accountable. However, participants noted the lack of awareness about public forums and inadequate mobilization, resulting in low turnout and missed opportunities to influence decisions.

Challenges Highlighted:

• Many residents are unaware of public participation forums and how to contribute.
• Forums are often poorly structured or dominated by politically connected individuals, sidelining genuine community voices.

Key Recommendations:

• Grassroots Mobilization: Utilize MuYI’s platforms to inform and mobilize residents for public participation.
• Training Workshops: Educate residents on how to effectively engage in public forums, articulate concerns, and advocate for their rights.
• Monitoring and Reporting: Track commitments made during public forums to ensure follow-through and accountability.

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5. The Consensus: Unity as the Catalyst for Change

Despite the challenges, the session concluded on a hopeful note, with participants agreeing that unity is the key to transformative governance. Without collective action and a shared vision, even the best ideas will fail to materialize.

“We must stop pulling each other down. If we want change, we have to stand together and speak with one voice,” one participant urged.

Unity, paired with civic education and accountability mechanisms, can dismantle the systems that enable corruption and poor governance. By fostering collaboration, the community can build a culture of trust, resilience, and empowerment.

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Conclusion

The Coffee Bar session was a powerful reminder of the role we all play in shaping governance. While external challenges such as corruption and political manipulation remain significant, internal divisions within the community are equally detrimental.

Unity, informed by civic education and driven by a collective vision, is the cornerstone of progress. By rejecting handouts, demanding accountability, and embracing public participation, the Mukuru community can reclaim its voice and build a governance system that truly serves its people.

The message was clear: change starts with us, and together, we can achieve it.

On Tuesday, October 1st, at Coffee Bar Tuesday at the MuYI Hub. A group of thirty-two young people met to discuss behavioral psychology. The discussion featured a wide range of opinions and some great points into what it means to be human and how the mind functions.

The study of behavioural psychology focuses on how our surroundings influences our behaviour. It examines the motivations behind our activities, concentrating on routines, responses, and actions that we frequently carry out without giving them much thought. To put it plainly, it’s about realizing the motivations underlying your behaviour and determining how to adjust it as necessary.

Big or small, we’ve all had aspects of ourselves that we’d like to improve. For some, it could be the ongoing struggle with procrastination—delaying assignments until the very last minute, even if they are aware that this is not the most efficient way to do them. Others may find it difficult to go to bed too late, even when they are aware that they should sleep more.

The variety of human habits that behavioural psychology may help us comprehend includes talking back to people, sleep talking, and even more private behaviours like masturbation.
A recurring problem in certain households is the so-called “black tax.” This is a reference to the belief that someone must financially assist their extended family if they reach a certain level of achievement. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but for those who are always expected to take care of others, it might cause stress, guilt, or feelings of pressure.

Our surroundings greatly impact the things we do. A large portion of human behaviour is taught through reinforcement, which means that we are more likely to repeat an action that makes us happy or keeps us from feeling uncomfortable. As an illustration:
• Procrastination: You may put off a chore because it will temporarily relieve your tension. According to behavioural psychology, you should make tiny, doable adjustments like segmenting activities into smaller pieces and rewarding yourself when you finish each one.
• Staying Up Late: After a hectic day, staying up late may seem like a nice way to spend “me time”. But in the long run, this behaviour may harm your health. Developing a more calming night-time routine and rewarding yourself for going to bed sooner are two strategies suggested by behavioural psychology.

• Talking Back: You may be reacting instinctively if you frequently respond verbally to attacks. Instead of responding defensively, behavioural strategies could assist you in pausing, taking a deep breath, and responding calmly.
• Masturbation: Some people may wish to break the practice of masturbating less frequently. Behavioural psychology can assist in identifying habit-forming triggers, such as stress or boredom, and in substituting the habit with an alternative activity that produces comparable emotions of diversion or relaxation.
• Black Tax: A person’s psyche and pocketbook may be greatly burdened by this societal expectation. Behavioural psychology may assist you in establishing limits or changing your perspective. Your part in supporting your family, making it seem more like a decision and less like a duty. It can be difficult to manage black tax as a firstborn daughter, particularly when trying to strike a balance between family expectations and personal financial objectives but there are useful strategies such as:
1. Establish Limits Early
• Express Yourself Clearly: Tell your relatives about your financial predicament. Tell them what you can actually do to help without endangering your own objectives.
• Set Boundaries: Decide on a monthly contribution amount that you can afford to make, then stick to it. Refrain from giving more than you can afford due to pressure.

2. Give personal goals and self-care first priority.
• Save for Yourself: It’s critical to put your personal financial security ahead of that of others. Make sure you have assets, retirement contributions, and emergency funds.
Investing in one’s own growth Pay attention to your personal, professional, and educational goals. By doing this, you’ll be able to earn more money and support others without jeopardizing your own prospects.

Making Lasting Changes

The good news is that one can alter one’s behaviour. You can develop new habits that are more beneficial to you with work, awareness, and the appropriate techniques. Behavioural psychologists frequently advise utilizing strategies like trigger awareness to prevent repeating undesirable behaviours and positive reinforcement, which is rewarding oneself when you successfully change a behaviour.
Changing one’s behavior provides us with the means to examine our own motivations and provides better strategies for bringing about constructive changes in our lives. Whether you struggle with sleep talking, procrastination, or even familial pressures, psychology can help you better understand yourself and help you form more gratifying, healthy habits.

We had our Coffee Bar Tuesday at the MuYI Hub on Tuesday, September 24th. Thirty-four youths convened to talk about culture and basic etiquette. The talk had a wide range of viewpoints, contentious debates, and some perceptive observations on what it means to be of a certain tribe in the modern world, particularly in Kenya, as was to be expected.

Kenya is a diverse nation with more than 40 distinct ethnic tribes, each with its own traditions and customs. Knowing the subtle cultural differences is essential

Maasai-if you belong to the same generation or age bracket one can exchange wives and you have to stick your spear outside the house.

If your mother’s dowry was a certain amount you have to give out the same amount for your dowry
luhya-if a corpse does not cooperate during its burial and its above 25 years one is beaten until it cries.

Kisii-coffins are stepped on after burial and when specific birds come around you home it shows that people will soon mourn the death of someone close to them.

Although culture shock is a typical experience, you may simply adjust and handle social interactions by knowing a few basic etiquettes.

1. Recognizing Kenyan Culture Shock The disorienting sensation that people frequently get when they come across strange habits and behaviors is known as “culture shock.”

Language obstacles, greeting customs, differing clothing rules, and divergent perspectives on time and personal space can all contribute to this in Kenya. Here are few instances:

Language Diversity: Of Kenyans, 68 languages are spoken, with English and Swahili being the most widely spoken. However, many Kenyans are bilingual and frequently transition between languages during conversation.
Social Structures: In contrast to more individualistic cultures, many Kenyan villages have a strong foundation in patriarchy and community living.
Religious Diversity: The widespread practice of Christianity, Islam, and indigenous religions affects everyday routines and societal expectations.
It can be difficult to adjust to these differences, but it can be made simpler by realizing the underlying respect for tradition and community.

2. Important Protocols for All Kenyan Tribes
Every Kenyan tribe has distinct social practices, despite certain common things.

The following are some crucial manners to remember:
Etiquette for Greetings
In Kenya, greeting someone is seen as a show of respect, though this differs throughout tribes:
Swahili Communities (Coastal Kenya): Although gentle bows are not uncommon, especially from elders, handshakes are the norm. Saying “Habari” (how are you?) or “Jambo” (hello) to someone is courteous.
Maasai: As an age-old sign of respect, a handshake is frequently exchanged during greetings among the Maasai, who may also lightly spit on the hand.
Kikuyu: Giving someone a firm handshake by putting both of your hands together conveys warmth and sincerity.

Clothes Code and Etiquette
Respect is shown by dressing adequately, with regional standards varying:
Urban Areas: While Nairobi and other cities tend to be more liberal, modest clothing is still valued, particularly in official or religious contexts.
Muslim communities and rural areas: Women are often encouraged to wear modest clothing, covering their arms and legs, especially locations like the Coast.
Maasai: Shukas, or vibrantly coloured clothing, are historically worn by Maasai men and women. You might see ornate jewelry when you come, particularly on women. Respect their traditional garb and, if in doubt, wear something modest.
Individual space and Conversation
most Kenyans have differences in their personal space and directness:
Kamba and Kikuyu: Individuals in these cultures converse warmly and closely, occasionally embracing or touching arms. Being extremely formal or aloof could come out as unwelcoming.
Somali Kenyans: While handshakes are frequent among Somali Kenyans, unless they are related, men and women typically avoid making physical contact in public. In particular, eye contact between men and women may be fleeting.

4. Accept, Don’t Resist, When Managing Culture Shock Patience and an open mind are necessary for cultural adjustment. When in Kenya and experiencing cultural shock:

How culture affects how we relate with others

For many tribes’ parents don’t allow their children to intermarry since they fear other tribes culture -where the only solution to it is making sure you interact with a person not based on their tribe but by who a person is since we are all unique and Kenya is a diverse nation.

We should also be happy since we get to learn something new about people we interact with

“someone saw my name at the Nyayo house and refused to serve me, this man said that I need to come the following day just because my name starts with an O’’ one participant said.

Gen-z have come to cut ties about tribes but should still make sure to respect their culture since after one die culture takes over.

For the maasai nowadays the mukuki culture is different and dead in case one is found by the husband’s wife it can erupt to a fight.

What we love about other people’s culture

Maasai- how they dress their shuka and how they have freedom to carry their machetes everywhere

Kambas -the way the dance freely at events no one judges the other. The way they always say “no vaa” yet they home area is so far.

Swahili-how they prepare their food, the way they dance and how they dress.

” Kikuyus export ladies to Nairobi since they are always available “one participant said.
Be Willing to Learn to acknowledge diversity and pose polite queries. The majority of Kenyans are delighted to share and are proud of their culture.
You should respect tradition’s and make an effort to be mindful of regional traditions, even if they appear unusual or foreign. This demonstrates your eagerness to fit in.
one can Friends which will help You can lessen the shock of adjustment and gain a deeper understanding of Kenyan culture by forming relationships with the people.
You can have a more satisfying experience in Kenya by fully immersing yourself in its diverse cultures which are beautiful.

On Tuesday, September 17th, we held yet another engaging Coffee Bar Tuesday session at the MuYI Hub, where 24 vibrant young minds gathered to debate one of the most essential questions of our time: Which matters most for success in life—money, talent, or education? As expected, the discussion was full of diverse opinions, heated exchanges, and some insightful reflections on what it means to succeed in the modern world, especially in Kenya.

Defining Success: A Complex Conversation

One of the first topics that arose was how we define success. Is it wealth? Prestige? Fulfillment? The participants quickly realized that success means different things to different people.

One memorable quote from the session was:

• “With talent, you can sit with kings and get into places where education or money can’t take you.” This sentiment resonated with many who believed that natural ability and hard work can open doors, even in spaces dominated by money or academic credentials.

However, another participant reminded the group of the power of wealth:

• “People like Elon Musk can access anything they want and influence a lot due to their wealth.” This sparked a conversation about the role of money in the modern world and how having financial power often means you can shape your own opportunities and those of others.

The Kenyan Context: Corruption and Influence

When discussing these three pillars of success in Kenya, the conversation inevitably touched on the topic of corruption. Many young people present expressed the view that in Kenya, money can open almost any door, legal or not. One participant pointed to sports as an example, where “many Kenyan athletes have had to part with bribes to get slots in international competitions or even the national teams.” It was a sobering moment in the discussion, showing how deeply entrenched the influence of money can be in shaping not just success, but access to opportunities in Kenya.

Despite this, the group agreed that there is one domain where money can’t always buy success—talent. If you’re truly exceptional at something, there comes a point where no amount of money can rob you of your rightful place. As one participant put it:

• “You have to be really good at what you do—so good that no one else can bribe their way in to take your position.” This belief in the power of talent over corruption gave the group some hope, especially in fields like the arts, athletics, and entertainment, where skills and abilities often speak louder than financial influence.

The Role of Education: More Than Just Degrees

Education also found its place in the conversation, with participants recognizing its multifaceted importance. While formal education was viewed as crucial for many professional careers, there was also a strong emphasis on street education—the informal learning that comes from experience, networking, and life lessons.

A great example shared during the session was of Nameless, one of Kenya’s most celebrated artists. Though he is a trained architect by profession, it is his talent in music that has propelled him to stardom and opened countless doors. This illustrates how talent, when fully harnessed, can become a powerful force, even if it wasn’t the initial career path.

One consensus that emerged was that while money can get you into many spaces, education is what helps you sustain your wealth. Several participants mentioned that having knowledge—both formal and informal—helps you manage your resources and avoid exploitation. Knowing the “ins and outs” of your field, whether you’re a businessperson, athlete, or artist, is vital in making sure that your money and talent work for you in the long run.

Talent, Money, and Education: An Interplay of Influence

As the conversation expanded, one thing became clear: none of the three—money, talent, or education—can be entirely isolated from the others. Wealth can provide access to education and nurture talent. Education can guide you on how to grow your wealth and harness your talents. And talent can sometimes lead you to success where education or money might fall short.

But in Kenya, the influence of money on talent and education cannot be understated. Many participants agreed that opportunities are often shaped by financial resources, and corruption further amplifies this imbalance. However, the overarching belief was that with the right combination of talent, education, and smart financial management, success is achievable even in a system where money holds significant sway.

A Thought-Provoking Debate: What Really Matters?

To wrap up, the group didn’t reach a clear consensus on whether money, talent, or education is most important for success—because there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Each person’s journey is unique, and the importance of these elements shifts depending on the individual and the context.

However, the debate sparked deep reflection and inspired many to think critically about how they can harness their resources—whether it’s their talent, education, or money—to navigate the complexities of modern life and make their own mark on the world.

As we continue to host these Coffee Bar Tuesday sessions, it’s clear that these conversations play a crucial role in shaping how young people in Mukuru and beyond think about their future, the world they live in, and the roles they can play in building better communities.

So, what do you think? Which matters more to you—money, talent, or education? Let us know in the comments or join us for our next session!

We held our coffee Bar at the MuYI hub on 10^th sept 2024 it was on World Suicide Prevention Day. The topic of the day was on mental health we discussed on suicide prevention,” how common it is, potential causes, and how it affects oneself and the measures to take. The session was attended by 25 youths,21 males and 4 females.

Suicide is a serious problem that impacts many people and communities all over the world. A good strategy is needed to address suicide prevention, including knowing what causes it, appreciating the things individuals love in life, discovering one’s purpose, and hearing from people who have been there and risen from the depths of hopelessness.

Majority of the people commit suicide because they feel that they have nothing to live for in this life. Most people don’t actually know what they truly love. We asked each individual what they love the most in life some mentioned that they love -Art, traveling, learning something new, football, teaching others something they feel they don’t know, being on stage, driving, watching beautiful sceneries, cows (when bulls are fighting), dancing, gaming, writing adverts and peaceful times. Some individuals in the group did not know what they loved and were advised to make sure they find something they are passionate about which does not have to be materialistic or a thing that when it is not there it makes them feel low.

Testimonials on those who have attempted suicide

“I wanted to end my life because I became a young teen mom and I have been a single mother so since then I have always used dance to overcome it” one participant mentioned.

” Toxic parenting toxic parents have affected me since I was young, I had issues with speech since I used to stammer a lot, so one day I overdosed myself with Amoxil when it backfired, I was beaten I also overcame it with a psychologist who helped mean lot and other peer groups that were so helpful since we used to share our stories and through hearing that others are facing bigger problems it calmed me down” one participant mentioned.

”Since I was young, I had 4 suicidal thoughts, august 2020 while I was doing automotive engineering I had many work pressure and home issues so I tried to kill myself on the road while it was raining, I saw a big truck and was tempted to run into it but luckily a stranger pat me on my shoulder and asked me unataka kukufa uache nyash ivo? we walked with him towards commercial and he gave me some money” one participant mentioned.

The 2^nd attempt was with a friend

During the 3^rd attempt I tried overdosing but my friends came to my rescue while during my 4^th attempt, I tried to kill myself with a knife but my small sister asked me what I was trying to do since she walked in and found me holding a knife. Bad parenting my parents were harsh on me but my coping mechanism is through dance and me using my earphones.

Youths’ perspective on what makes people want to unalive themselves

In talking about mental health and prevention, it is critical to understand the factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts from the perspective of youth. A few elements that could influence a young person’s thoughts about suicide or self-harm are outlined below:

Youth mental health can be severely impacted by poor parenting. A lack of basic necessities, emotional support, or direction can make someone feel worthless and abandoned.

Academic pressure is the result of excessive pressure to perform well academically, which can cause stress, worry, and feelings of inadequacy. High expectations from parents, professors, or society can be overpowering.

Consistent setbacks, whether in the personal or professional sphere, can undermine confidence:
Unmet Goals: Feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness can arise from not reaching personal or professional goals.
Broken Relationships: Negative endings to romantic or platonic relationships can cause a great deal of emotional suffering.
Negative self-perception is a common cause of low self-esteem and can be impacted by:
Harassment or bullying: Negative peer behaviour can undermine one’s sense of value.
Internal Criticism: Feelings of inadequacy can be strengthened by persistently comparing oneself to others and criticizing oneself.
5. “Nyash” and Body Image Mental anguish can be exacerbated by body image problems, including social expectations over physical appearance:
Unrealistic Standards: Being exposed to media portrayals of idealized body types might make people feel unsatisfied with their own bodies.

Social pressure: The need to live up to specific physical expectations can result in negative behaviours and self-loathing.
6. Health Issues
The following are some medical issues and how they affect mental health:
Chronic Illnesses: Prolonged medical conditions can cause dejection and dissatisfaction.
Mental Health Disorders: Suicidal thoughts can be more common in those with conditions like anxiety, bipolar disorder, and depression.
7. Influence from peers
Peer pressure can affect one’s ability to make decisions and their mental health:
Substance Abuse: The pressure to use drugs or alcohol can result in regrettable and dangerous behaviours.
Behavioural Expectations: When someone is not able to live up to the expectations of the group, it can lead to stress and feelings of inadequacy.

9. social media
There are several ways that social media can affect mental health:
Comparison: Persistently evaluating oneself against the well-curated and idealized lifestyles of others might result in low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.
Cyberbullying: Suicidal thoughts and mental health can be severely impacted by harassment or bullying that occurs online.
10. Refusal
Rejection can cause excruciating suffering.
Romantic Rejection: Feelings of worthlessness might arise when a romantic interest rejects you.
Social Rejection: Emotional anguish can result from feeling left out or unaccepted by one’s peer group.
11. Sodomy and Rape
Sexual assault is a horrific event that can seriously harm one’s mental health:
Trauma and PTSD: Individuals who have survived a significant emotional or psychological trauma may feel worthless and hopeless.

Stigmatization: Victims may experience stigma or a lack of assistance, which exacerbates their emotions of helplessness and loneliness.
It is critical to identify these variables and take proactive measures to address them through discussions, supportive interventions, and prevention techniques. These dangers can be reduced with the aid of mental health education, counselling, supportive relationships, and a secure space where young people can talk about their difficulties without fear of rejection. In order to create a more supportive atmosphere for young people confronting these issues, it is imperative to provide resources for mental health assistance, encourage self-care, and promote positive coping techniques.

Youths’ perspective on what makes people want to unalive themselves

Do not be overambitious, do something towards what you want. There is a difference between happiness and dreams, hence dreams that bring happiness should be embraced while living in the moment. If you do not embrace the moment that means you are limiting your own happiness. You need to understand that if you die right now your eulogy won’t be written how your life was rather what you achieved. We should also learn to take jokes but know when you are being disrespected. Learn to appreciate what you have, accept mistakes and know that mistakes can be corrected don’t over judge yourself. Celebrate your wins weather small/big. If you make a small win celebrate yourself. We should know that whatever you do will always have consequences. Remember to be aggressive in what you want, build yourself don’t stress yourself trying to build others while you are not building yourself. You can never give what you you don’t have.

Your graph can never be straight in life, know your limit and take care of your mental health. You Don’t have to be the richest but you can help others who need your help unlike Politicians who make us pissed by stealing and having everything for themselves.

Is it true that women in relationships have a back up plan incase the relationship does not work?

According to a recent survey it shows that 50% of Women in Relationships Having a Backup Plan

This has generated a lot of debate and analysis, bringing up issues such as the breaking up of romantic relationships, changing perceptions of women, and the effects on current dating dynamics. During our coffee Bar which was attended by 32 youths,28 were males and 4 were females; we explored on the idea of a “backup plan,” how common it is, potential causes, and how it affects relationships.

In the context of romantic relationships, a “backup plan” is a potential romantic partner or another choice for a relationship that an individual might think about in the event that their current relationship ends. This person could be a close friend, an ex-partner, a co-worker, or someone they are romantically interested in but haven’t started seeing or is planning to because of their current relationship status.

According to surveys, about half of women in committed relationships have thought about or actively keep up a backup plan. Even though some people find this figure shocking, it illustrates a realistic approach to relationships in which women and men alike are becoming more conscious of the risks associated with long-term relationships.

Youths’ perspective on the possible reasons behind this trend

• Negative Past Experiences: Some women keep a backup plan in place as a defence against emotional distress in the future, coming from past negative experiences like betrayal or abrupt breakups. Having a backup plan can ease worries about the future and provide a sense of stability. “Dust is constant so heri kutafuta shade mapema,since hana mpango wa kukuoa” One participant said
• When goals don’t align you find someone who you think is closer to what you want to achieve in your life.
• Expectations-most ladies are used to living in fantasy so if you are unable to meet their desired expectations, they think the relationship is boring and not working as they expected.
• Changing times: Conventional expectations no longer hold as much effect on modern relationships. The stigma associated with having several is no longer there. Although it’s too much work to multitask.
• Technology and social media: Keeping in touch with possible love partners has become easier due to the ease with which people can interact on social media and through dating apps. The creation of backup plans may be made easier by this improved connectivity, frequently without the primary partner’s knowledge.
• Finance: Compared to earlier generations, women now have more financial and social power. Because of their independence, women may become more cautious in their relationships, making sure they have other options in case their present one ends badly in order to safeguard their financial ability.
• Fear of Loneliness: Some women may keep a back plan because they are afraid of being alone or lonely. The backup plan might reassure individuals that they won’t be left alone in the event that their current relationship ends.

Youths’ perspective on the impacts of back-ups on relationships

• Trust issues: The foundation of any relationship is trust, and it can be destroyed if one spouse finds out about the other’s backup plan. The awareness that one spouse is thinking of other options can lead to feelings of betrayal, jealously, and insecurity.
• Most men when asked if it is okay to have a back up plan said that they need to combine those back up plans and their current partner
• If it does not work it means the relationship was bond on not to work so don’t put pressure on yourself “kama dem hakutaki wachana na yeye ajidate’’one participant said
• If you find out that she has a backup plan don’t try to prove a point just move on
• “As my man you need to step up and be better than my back up plan’’ Another participant said
• Levels of Commitment: Keeping a backup plan in place itself implies a lack of total dedication to the present partnership. As a result, the relationship may not develop to its full potential since one partner may constantly be looking out for themselves.
• Emotional Distancing: Having a fallback option could cause emotional distance in a partnership. A spouse’s emotional investment in another person or their ideas about a possible partner might negatively impact the quality and closeness of their existing relationship.
• Relationship Durability: Partnerships with one or both partners who keep backup plans may be less likely to last since the psychological commitment to other options may make it more difficult to resolve problems in the present relationship.

Who cheats the most in relationships?

Most youths said ladies cheat the most in the relationships since they hold the most power and control the relationships.

Most rich men have back up plans

Men are enablers in most relationships since they entertain cheating ladies and don’t necessarily have boundaries when it comes to saying no to cheating partners.

Convenience-most ladies love where they are convenient, being with a partner who is convenient for them

Gen-z do not want serious relationships where you have to fully commit to one partner; most said that its boring.

Open relationships is the new thing but it does not favor men, it only favors women unlike men since they are limited

One needs to know their partners sex drive in order to prevent circumstances where they have to cheat in order to get satisfied.

Conclusion

The tendency among women to have a fallback plan in their relationships is a reflection of larger shifts in gender roles, relationship dynamics, and society standards. Although it might provide personal security, it also raises questions about the soundness and stability of interpersonal bonds. Successful partnerships still rely heavily on communication, commitment, and trust; having a backup plan puts these foundations at risk. It will be essential to comprehend the causes of this trend and deal with any potential negative effects as relationships continue to change in order to promote strong and long-lasting bonds.